In honor of the birthday girl (and leader), let’s review the standings with a little help from her all-time favorite movie…
You’ll get the power, YOU’LL get the glory, YOU’LL get the power, YOU’LL get the glory! Hey, hey, hey, hey! YOOOOUUUUU…
To Erin (82 points), who’s been our leader for three-straight weeks now and has been complaining that she hasn’t received the proper amount of praise. Well, let the glory be yours. Forever, amen.
He is daaaaaaaaaangerous.
To Pat (81), who is lurking just one point back of Erin. He still hasn’t had a first-place finish, but is in perfect position to strike. Rumor has it that Erin, clearly threatened, has donned her bulbous headgear and forewarned the others, “We need a more permanent solution to our problem.”
Who is this broken man, cluttering up my hallway?
To Joe (80), a once broken man who is cluttering up the leaderboard after a stellar, five-week stretch. We at the top consider him somewhat of a nuisance and really aren’t prepared to deal with him yet. Which is why we’re sending him to Herod for the time being.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-haaaaaaaaaaaa!
To Tim (80), whose season-saving win in Week 9 caused him to let out an exultant scream, just like Simon the Zealot. In fact, word has it that he even included the knee-chest slap dance to go with it. Who could blame him, though? It was a huge win.
Who are you to criticize her? Who are you to despise her? Leave her, leave her, let her be now.
To Mom (79), who has been impossible to criticize thus far. She has two first-place finishes (tied for best), is only three off the lead, and is beating her husband with less than half a season to play. She’s certainly earned our respect, so everyone just leave her be. Especially you, Judas.
Oh, what a pity, if it’s all a lie. Still I’m sure that you can rrrrock the cynics if you try.
To Dad (78), whose performance last year convinced us that he would be a serious contender this season. But was it all a lie? Nine weeks in, he’s in sixth place. Third in the Tiara Division. Although Erin continues to shatter the Tiara’s very meaning, so that might be irrelevant. The good news for Dad is that he’s just four back and can rrrrock all the doubters by finishing strong. Unless, something’s gone wrong. Dad, why do you take so long?
Mmmm [agitated]…there’s too little of me. Don’t crowd me!
To Matt (77), who has allowed this year’s picks to be as overwhelming as a crowd of lepers. He’s not out of it by any means, he just needs to realize that he doesn’t have to pick every game correctly. No matter how much he pities those games when he sees their legs and how they can hardly stand.
What’s the buzz? Tell me what’s a-happening.
What’s the buzz? Tell me what’s a-happening.
What’s the buzz? Tell me what’s a-happening.
What’s the buzz? Tell me what’s a-happening.
To Marie (71), who’s halfway through her rookie season and is still trying to grasp what exactly is a-happening. The Picks Council is considering her concerns with the utmost gravity, we assure you. But it’s been hard for the Council to keep a straight face when it ponders the scene at Tim and Marie’s this week: Tim screaming exultantly and slapping his knees and chest really fast while Marie hops around the room asking him and the dogs what the buzz is.
This was unexpected. What do I do now? Could we start again, please?
To Cait (69), who fully expected to take home the Pink Tiara this season. Things, obviously, have not gone as planned. With three, last-place finishes in the past four weeks, Cait is in dead second-to-last. To make matters worse, thanks to Erin’s potential barrier-busting performance, her coveted Tiara might not even exist anymore, meaning there won’t be a ceremony to receive her replacement one. To make matters worse than that, she’s only up 11 points on Ciara, who has three goose eggs to her name. I can say plenty more about Cait’s struggles, but I think I know what she’ll be singing when she reads this: “I think you’ve made your point now. You’ve even gone a bit too far to get the message home.”
Just don’t say I’m….damned for all time.
To Ciara (58), who knows she’s finished, but hopes we can appreciate the good things she’s done. Like post a 12 in Week 5. And stay competitive when she does submit picks. And (I assume) participate more this year than any other. Sure, Ciara, we can appreciate that. Just promise you’ll stop watching us all from a slight distance while wearing a red jumpsuit and making critical faces.
Happy Birthday, Erin. Seems like 30. Seems like 30.
-For the second time in league history, someone picked against the Patriots. Just to 
Of course not. That last guy’s name breaks all of Dad’s “he shouldn’t be good at football” rules! By the way, this award has only been given out sarcastically so far and since it pleases the Commissioner so much, it will continue that way.
-I did a little Quasimodo dance around my apartment when the Bengals won. But it didn’t last long, thanks to Tony Romo’s incredible comeback win against the Cowboys and the Eagles’ destruction of my Lock of the Week (which, remember, it was never officially deemed!). But watching some classic Sanchez Noodle Arm on Sunday night made up for it.
McManus Picks 